Tag Archives: change

Honestly

Honestly, what is the fucking point?
People don’t act like they really are
A bar is filled with smoke and mirrors
Half hearted attempts to seem human
To have an aura of intrigue for attraction
It’s all fake
All is a pile of bullshit
All is sped up and pitch shifted to dissonance
The notes make no sense anymore
The melody intoxicates and jitters
The rhythm tries too hard
Not knowing where to turn
Shots that make me shiver in fright
Nostrils tangled up with the demons
All for what?
To meet a woman to have a family with?
HERE?!
This den of sin that attracts the lowest rungs
These walls hold the mold of counterpoint
Wanting one direction, moving the other
Contrapuntal movements tangle the stride
Trip over your own ambitions
One of the only dreams you ever had
And now the clock ticks your derailments
Side step after evacuation
Squandering what could have been
Some stability traded for tons of turbulence
A desire to crash while begging for the sky
Jesus, you really need to narrow your vision
You can’t have love and loneliness at the same time.

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Dawns

No matter how many dawns rise
I’ll never feel our love again
Reverberations is all there is
Always reminding
Relentless in it’s degraded fortitude
Tenacious in it’s reciprocity
 
Those soundscapes are transformative
The greatest tragedy softened with melody
Travels repenting for its’ nightmares
Lost vessels crashing in loneliness
Tenured in the clutches of the dark
Down the path looking back
Shadows trailing every endeavor
Resonating lights
Escaping breath
Fires so bright leading to nothing
Taking everything away
Keep stumbling through redundant conclusions.
 
Remember the Night.
Face the Dawn.

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Change

I often stumble and fall
Usually for no reason at all
I drown in apathetic disgrace
I float under a veneer of status
I decay from the inside out
So many false roads traveled
A debt built on empty promises
The inner torture is killing me
An alien ready to tear me apart

This is when change is needed
When the dark controls more than the light
Fuck the neon lights and gorgeous whores
Fuck everything my mindlessness chases
I once stood in defiance against the dark
Now I let it enter my soul

No more
No more shall I degrade my character
No more shall I wander aimlessly
No more shall the darkness veil my eyes
No more shall I fall for nothing
I will once again kindle a fire
My soul will be reborn
A fresh start to years of hesitation
Hope to hope once again

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Tackling Shadows in the Night

Another day staring off
Something floating
Luring my attention

I can’t stand the fragmentation
A distance that lengthens daily
That point floating to the horizon

Time stretch
Vacancy
Degradation

Slip the mechanics to auto
Imminent regret flood
The barriers raise to protect

Taken over
Blitzkrieg
Vacancy

Failure weighed down rebellion
Inept shortcuts to get lost
Running from myself

Sudden
Length
Gasping trip

Do not defend your home
It will fall like all others
Nothing summoned from potential

Couldn’t figure out anything
Tackling shadows in the night

Mostly

This is what I asked for
An empty bed and late mornings
Lose the human connection
Focus on yourself
Though it does have dark space
It’s not as shiny as I imagined
There isn’t a meaningful change
The nights fall down a waterfall
The days couldn’t be longer
Then again that is not why it happened
I was right from the beginning
It is better to part than to attempt
I never reach homeplate
So find it in some other place
Clouds roll through my view
I cast a spell I must weather the storm
Another system changing the course
Just blowing in the wind.

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Return

This place never stopped
I left and returned again
I am changed
This place has changed
There are new borders
Nicer decor to welcome
Enhanced entrances
Smoother exits
That is how change should occur
For the better
Unlike my sad state
Sins piled on top of sins
Regrets sit next to regrets
I never learned how to smooth my edges
Always bullshit piled on bullshit
Never wanting to admit I lost my way
Never asking for directions
Never knowing where home is

I see this place and I look in a mirror
How dare I act this way
I could have been so much more
More than a broken down motel
Vacancy sign over my soul
Doors boarded up long ago
Just me, alone.

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No Changes

I really thought that was an exit sign
Maybe I didn’t gain enough traction
Maybe it was locked from the beginning
The hole can’t be ignored
I made plans for the shift in order
Hoped for a new horizon over my eyes
It was all rejected
Turn your back to the sunlight
Walk back to the darkness
That essence you have always adored
The dark we hear in your music
In your voice
In your eyes

Where do I find myself now?
Back at the start
Somewhere I needed to leave
But now I am damned
Forever a servant to streets of decay
I see religion across the ocean of asphalt
I see none in my halls
Portraits of failure plastered to my wall
Cheer for more entropy
Applaud the fleeting memory of your work

Here I am
Down in the hole
The walls close in
I look down

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