Is the Ecstasy Worth the Fallout?

I.
Is the ecstasy worth the fallout?
Wide-eyed enthusiasm to chase the night
Followed by the destruction of temples
We go out and forget about our morality
Drowned in liquor and underground specialities
A cloud of smoke to engulf a fragile species
Bodies attaching to escape banality
You never saw the light go out
A storm silent during landfall
I swear there is always laughter
A Half dead journey home
Adjacent to the workingman’s blues
There is no difference from the two
All souls are tethered to this decay
Draining on a society who never found footing
Suppressed denial available at convenience
Inquisition down dark paths
Shortcuts to feeling attached
Forget about your failures
Curled under a fire
Drenched in sweat that taunts your heart
Parasites take up everywhere
I had to take a shortcut
Now I’m stuck in repeat

II.
While we head down into the ice
You tell me that it was all my fault
I created this frozen water
I instigated the rise of the decay
You wish I never came into your timeline
I knew things would never be fine
We arrive to Dante
A circle born of regret and turmoil
Drowned in too much “forgetting” liquid
Lost in a haze of frenzied chaos
Years were lost down that black hole
Timed so I could join in the march to doomsday
Finding brethren in the faith of the fucked
Skewing my course away from Babylon
Nevermind arriving in Nirvana
Segmented tortures measured in decades
Set up for the darkness

III.
the fireworks gleamed in her eyes
her smile lifted upon seeing my own
we kissed for a second under an exploding sky
she nestled close to me with a warm embrace
i looked at the crowd and saw others
beautiful females everywhere
my mind wanders from the woman in my arms
i wonder how long i can keep making her happy
how long until the ecstasy is benign
how long until her heart is broken so i can degrade mine
leave her crying in her soft bed
i’ll sit on a hard stool
talking up some random girl
pulling her hair how she would never let me
then, after i’m done, i remorse
all i want to do is talk now
but this woman is a stranger
where is she?
will i ever find someone to hold onto?

IV.
A crowded building
Sweating to the rhythm
Pulsing with ecstatic impulses
A kiss is forgotten in hours
Touch isn’t always noticed
Whispering in ears
Embarrassments in public
Stumble into a mess
Letting the animal take over
Forget about everything
Screams with a foreign timbre
All of the words mean nothing
Grasp at breath through quivers
The next kiss reeks of duty
Lay next to each other
Spelled with athletic sobriety
Ponder the missteps
Plan an escape from shame
For an instant: realization
You do this to fill a hole
The humor cannot be ignored
A soul laughing at it’s own Achilles
Sounded from the sudden snoring
Quiet leaps to the sidewalk
Looking back and wondering
Will I ever come back here?
Should I have ever come here?
The filth invades my senses
Instincts left while loose
Worry of invasions on both sides
Regret all but one unknown aspect
People find ways of soothing others
No matter if they are even conscious of it
No matter how they arrive to the deed
No matter what the cost is billed as.

V.
Drowning myself in false hopes
Premonitions that will never unfold
The sky has been grey for so long
Rain bellowing in the winds of relentlessness
My face is leather against the push of time
Weathered through countless forfeits
Raised hands to the vacant lord
Crying for a pinch of relief
Just one cool breeze through my hair
Just one sigh upended by desperate pleas
An oath to change course through the gusts
Promises to change during hurricanes
Forgotten without a thought on dry land
Now the bells toll my debt
Tauntingly laying out my sins
Chances to change remembered in full regalia
Suspend hope
Unattainable forgiveness

VI.
the fallout
disavowed souls
lost in the transient system
diving towards certain doom
living too fast
race through human importance
centered on sanctions of illogic dependence
insisted upon by shortsighted strategies
now
oh now
we are here and now
the fallout after the tragedy
the blind and mute wandering the earth
hearts emptied when the siren sounded
the debt was collected
all was lost

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2 thoughts on “Is the Ecstasy Worth the Fallout?

  1. Valeria Castellanos

    A powerful piece. I can’t believe I’m the first to like this. Of course, it’s not very likable but, it is very well written. Riveting, relentless. Too many truths all at once. “You never saw the light go out” is a great line. Ditto “Promises to change during hurricanes” Who hasn’t been there? Each episode was well begun and well developed. A couple of grammatical questions: “There is no difference from the two” should be “no difference between the two”? – “We arrive to Dante” should be “We arrive at Dante”? Perhaps my favorite stanza – no. Can’t decide. All great.

    Reply

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